Mean Girls Grow Up...

Mean girls grow up to be mean women. That is my conclusion. As an at home mom, I have had more interactions with women. Probably the most interactions with women in my adult life.

During these interactions, I am constantly surprised by the number of us who still engage in middle school aged behaviors as adult women. In these situations, there is a queen bee, an assistant to the queen bee, and a scared to bee.

The queen bee bullies her way into power. Ruling the hive with an iron fist and excluding from the hive anyone who does not "respect" her leadership. Within the hive, she specializes in verbal abuse - mostly in the form of gossip. Sometimes the verbal abuse is direct. Other times the verbal abuse is less direct with insults disguised as compliments.

The assistant to the queen bee or middle bee supports the queen bee by spreading gossip in the hive. The middle bee is often a victim of the queen bee's verbal abuse herself. Still, the middle bee works hard spreading gossip in order to support the queen bee's "leadership" and maintain her position in the middle. To a casual observer, the middle bee seems to get along with everyone in the hive - even the wicked queen bee.

Finally, the scared to bee assumes the role of victim. For that reason, she is often the target of the queen bee's bullying and the middle bee's gossiping. The scared to bee seems surprisingly comfortable in this role. She seems to find this role easier than fighting back. 'No one will fight with me. Every one likes the queen bee better than me.' Really?!

Do you know any of these bees? Many of us have these bees in our lives labeled as "friends". If so, be brave and seek out the company of women who aren't bees. If it takes some time to find women who aren't bees to hang out with, be brave and be alone until you find some.

Finally, take a hard look at yourself. Are you one of these bees? If you are still bullying the hive for power, why? If you are still pretending to be friends with everyone to gather information and gossip for the queen bee, why? If you are still afraid to stand up for yourself because everyone likes the queen bee more, why?